The Wedding Invite and Significant Others
As every couple headed for marital bliss probably knows, who you chose to share your day of days with you is completely within your discretion. Well, almost. There are some minor exceptions to this general rule, but only one of these exceptions concerns us today: The Significant Other Exception (hereafter "The Sig-Oth Ex." Uh, actually, let's not go with that abbreviated form, for somewhat obvious reasons...).
Plainly put, this exception states that if you send an invite to an individual who is involved with a "significant other," then you are etiquettley (yes, I just made that word up) obligated to also invite that significant other (and if you've breached your duty of etiquette and not included that significant other in the invitation, you're to raise no qualms when that significant other does show up with your invited guest).
Now, you might be asking yourself: "How am I supposed to know if the person I'm inviting has a significant other?" Fear not, for we here have developed an analytical framework that is sure to lessen your already high stress level.
The Framework
1. "Is the person you plan on inviting romantically involved with someone?" What was that, you don't know? Ok, strike that person off your list...now. Seriously, you're thinking of inviting someone to one of the most important days of your life and you DON'T know what is going on in his/her life? Are you really that desperate for those wedding gifts? Shame on you. Anyway, inherent of the idea of a "significant other" is that the couple is in a romantic relationship. Best friends, roommates, or family members are not "significant others," no matter how close the individual people might be (uh, and "eww"). And let's not mince words, a "romantic relationship" is one in which the parties are sexually involved (or would be but for moral, religious or ethical bars).
2. If the answer to number 1 is "Yes," then ask "Is that person in some sort of legally recognized relationship?" If the answer to this question is "Yes," then stop here. Any kind of legally recognized relationship makes the invitee's partner a "per se significant other." The most obvious of these relationships would be marriage, but also includes things such as domestic partnerships. And, please, leave your old fashioned ideas about "one man and one woman" elsewhere. If you're going to invite someone to share this day with you, you kinda need to accept them for who they are.
3. If the answer to number 2 is "No," then it's time to determine if, despite the lack of legally recognized relationship, the invitee still has a "significant other." I know what you're thinking, "How am I supposed to know how serious the relationship is or isn't? Why should I be obligated to spend 500 dollars a plate one some floozy Mr. Invitee just met at the bar last week?" Well, you're right, you're not supposed to be able to tell "how serious" a relationship that you aren't in is. Nor are you going to sit down and subjectively decide whether a relationship you're not in is "serious" or not. Here you're going to use "the time test." Yes, it might be over-inclusive, and yes it might be under-inclusive, but let's be honest, you're going to have to use some neutral, objective standard. Any other method would be 1) too time consuming, and 2) more likely to offend since you're forcing your own, subjective view of another's relationship on him/her. And so, a "significant other" would be defined as "anyone the invitee has been romantically involved with for 6 months or more at the time the invitation is sent out." Yes, six months might not be quite a "scientific number," but I think most people would agree that if a couple has been together at least six months, it is probably "more serious than not."
There, that wasn't so hard, was it?
